Title: Not Nice
Plot: A self help book for those who are too nice
Listen to "Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura [16 Mins]" on Spreaker.
Hey, welcome back!
The fact that you picked this podcast tells me that you're like me. I've read many books of this nature and if you are like me, then allow me to tell you the future:
I would imagine that by the end of this podcast you won’t be terribly excited about buying this book, but you will notice that I included some useful information to make the podcast worth your time. But then after you finish it. I have two suggestions for podcasts that are superior in every way.
Listen to all the chapters of my Simply Irresistible podcasts. And Boundaries is also a really study good, because people who are too nice tend to struggle with boundaries.
Today I will be reviewing Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura.
Perhaps you’ve heard the adage that nice guys finish last. Aziz wrote a book and has a class designed to transform men from nice guys into not nice guys.
I read his book it’s a 500 page whopper. Before I read it I would have given it 3.5 stars and said it was good. But after reading it. I’m giving it one star and warning you that it sucks ass.
That’s right, you did your job Aziz, maybe a little too well.
Aziz gets off to a mixed start with his front cover. Though it's visually appealing, it's very wordy. And that triggers a warning for me that the inside might be a little too wordy also. This is what it says:
Dr. Aziz Gazipura bestselling author of the Art of Extraordinary Confidence.
Then it has the Title Not Nice followed by the subtitle “Stop people pleasing. Staying Silent & Feeling Guilty And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly. And Unapologetically being yourself."
As if that wasn’t enough words, he has included two recommendations. One says:
Dr. Aziz prescribes a step-by-step process to transform the impulse to please others and seek approval. Destined to be a re-read many times.
— Patrick King, Bestselling author of The Science of Likability
The other says:
And When it comes to confidence building, Dr. Aziz is the master…
— By Scott Allan, Author of Do It Scared.
Apart from my name, I never put more than ten words on my books. And it's rarely anywhere near that many.
Just read the front cover. If there are lots of words, it's a bad sign.
However, before I begin my review of Not Nice it’s time to tell you about the author. In his own words from page 498 of his book, he says:
Dr. Aziz is a psychologist, author and coach who is internationally known as the world’s leading expert on confidence. Through his coaching, books, videos and online media he has helped thousands break shyness, social anxiety and self doubt to create, richer, happier, more confident lives.
Now to be fair I was kidding about my rating. If I ignored how many words he used to communicate his point I would give his content 3.5 stars. However, when I review the content in light of his writing style, recognizing that his grammar, punctuation and spelling are top notch, I give his book two stars for an average total rating of one star.
In my defense, this was not a book on algebra. It was a book on not being nice.
So while my math skills may suck, my comprehension is obviously top notch.
Aziz has a flat opening paragraph. It’s not compelling, but it is consistent with a book titled Not Nice.
He generally opens his book with the assertion that being nice is a facade for the weak and cowardly. They position their behavior as a virtue to make themselves feel better about being afraid.
And then he makes a statement early on that we later learn is the premise for how he thinks. He advocates being more selfish. He says it gives you power and ultimately leads to happiness.
And thus begins the process of him starting a thin line that he walks throughout the rest of the book. Presumably he expects his audience will likely be religious and so he is careful to make some distinctions. For example: he asserts that the opposite of being nice is being real. It’s not being an asshole as some might think and therein lies the rub. Those who assume the opposite of being nice is being an asshole, err on the side of caution changing nothing and ultimately doing themselves a disservice.
While I was reading this book I couldn’t shake the impression that it was written by a very nice guy. My view is that nice guys walk on eggshells and walk a thin line. If Aziz was a master at anything, it was treading carefully. And nice guys tread carefully because they’re nice.
To his credit, Aziz has great ideas and suggestions and good material in the book. I am inclined to think I would like and even admire him as a person. However, I would love for him to mail me the electronic copy of his book so I can fix it.
I’ll help y’all out. For those of you who are interested in buying Aziz’s book. I’ll make two recommendations: First, watch Runaway Bride and that will put you in the zone. It will give you the proper mindset and it covers at least the first 50 pages of his book. Where he essentially says get real. Figure out who you are and be that person. Then jump to the end of the book at his 30 day plan. Each day he has you do a behavior so you can focus on a quality that needs work. And each of these things was described in detail in an earlier chapter in the book. So this is the summary of everything he’s talking about.
I love his 30 day plan. There’s some stuff in there that’s hilarious. And it would be a great way to pass the time when you’re bored.
Now he has lots of little challenges and I think they’re good for us because they force us to not be ourselves, which is incredibly educational. We don’t learn new things unless we try new things and in order to do that, we have to act like people we love, people we hate, people who aren't us, and maybe even like idiots, too. That’s how you learn.
So if you buy his book, also get a copy of Runaway Bride. Watch that first, then turn to page 450 and read his thirty day plan. Consider the items from his 30 day plan that you struggle with and then turn to the Table of Contents and find the corresponding chapter that teaches you how to deal with that concept. That way you're treating it like a reference manual instead of reading it like a book.
Did I say this was a 500 page book? And did I mention he’s wordy? If you decide to try to read this sucker from cover to cover, I would speed read it. I dislike speed reading, in fact I hate it, but I made an exception for this book in this case and I know I didn’t miss a thing because I know I had ample opportunity for him to repeat himself.
Let me give you an example. Every paragraph is like this by the way. First, I’ll tell you how I would have stated it myself and then I’ll read what he said.
Because that will enable you to stay awake while I talk and it will give you contrast.
Remember, This is how I would communicate the same thought that Aziz is about to delivers:
You would be surprised how many physical problems manifest due to insecurity. When we’re under serious stress our body locks up and we don’t even notice. Imagine all the pain we could cause ourselves simply by not being relaxed: neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain and the like. What if people are going to doctors seeking solutions for physical problems that are really caused by emotional pain? And maybe that’s why cures are illusive for some people.
That’s how I would say it. Now this is what he said:
As you read this alternative viewpoint, you may have a variety of reactions. Part of you might be intrigued and maybe even inspired or hopeful. Another part of you might be skeptical or think, if this were true, then everyone would know it and be doing it.
You have a choice. You can continue reading this section and the rest of the book and benefit tremendously in your self-esteem, personal power, confidence, social life, business life, and overall success and happiness. You can ignore this whacky information about all this pain coming from our emotions and that’s OK.
On the other hand, you can choose to go deeper into a study of this, and become completely free on a physical level. Free of chronic or recurrent pain and injuries, free of limitation of how you can use your body, and free to do the activities you truly love like running, biking, basketball, soccer or anything else. If you’ve ever been injured or dealt with chronic pain, you know how limiting, depressing, and scary it can be. For me, to be free of that, and to know I’m no longer a helpless victim in the area of my body and health is one of the greatest liberations of my life. Even moreso than breaking out of social anxiety.
Aziz has a tendency to guess what the reader might be thinking. He goes back and forth. He waffles on this hand on that hand. He makes long unnecessary lists that add no value to the reader’s experience. And he talks about himself so much, this book reads like a covert autobiography. And that would be fine, but I feel like I know him better than some of my ex-girlfriends now.
I'm careful about making guesses about what my audience might be thinking. For example, if I were to guess what my listeners are thinking right now, I would guess you are thinking, “Man, Tom. This book review is Not Nice!”
Leading me to wonder if Aziz is scary good.
Have brilliant week. And ya’ll come back now, ya hear?
Podcasts mentioned in this episode
Listen to "Boundaries When to Say Yes How to Say No [16 Mins]" on Spreaker.