Transcript chapter 2 & 3 - Simply Irresistible

Author: Tom Freedom
Title: Simply Irresistible Chapter 2
Plot: Personal transformation into an object of desire (for men).
Notes: 

Listen to "Simply Irresistible Chapter 2 & 3" on Spreaker.

Full Transcript
Hey, Welcome back!

Today I will be reading chapters 4 and 5 from my book entitled Simply Irresistible. Here we go!



Chapter Four
The Key to Originalityty

You may not be as original as you think you are.

When I was twenty-years-old, I worked for a computer company. One day I fixed the receptionist's computer and while returning it, I learned a valuable life lesson: 

She was beautiful, and behind her was a wall of flowers and gifts for the wives at our company; it was Valentine’s Day.

When I rounded the corner with computer in hand, I was struck by the wall of flowers. I came to an abrupt stop, looked at her and then the flowers and said: “Whoa! Are all those for you?” 

She giggled and said, “No, of course not!” and then I smiled and began to hookup the computer under her desk. While fishing the wires up onto the desk I mused over my general awesomeness. But during the five minutes the procedure took, five different men said, “Whoa! Are all those flowers for you?” Each time she giggled as if it was the first. 

Rattled, I peered out from under the desk and said, “Does that happen all day? Every guy says the same thing?”

“Yes,” she said looking down, closing her eyes and shaking her head regretfully.

“I am sorry,” I said. “That has to be torture!”

“You have no idea!” She replied.

The allure of the jerk

From that day forward whenever I passed her I said, “You suck!” Because if nothing else, jerks are at least original. 

Acting on the first idea that pops into our mind does not ensure success. In fact, it may ensure failure. I like to quote my friend on this topic. He says:

Going with your gut on an exam is usually best, but in situations where you are dealing with others, going with your gut is probably wrong.

— Alden Park

I like to say this myself:

The thing that you are dying to say could be the one that kills you. So control yourself! Because you are the only one who can!

— Tom Freedom


Since that was a short chapter, now we're gonna dive into chapter five. It's called...





Chapter Five

Understand the click


John Ratzenberger once spoke about the casting process for the TV show called Cheers (that was filmed in the eighties). He was unhappy with his audition; so before leaving he asked if they had a bar know-it-all; the question intrigued them. John explained that every bar has one, and only one. He improvised the part on the spot and received approval for it two days later; they cast him on one of the best TV shows ever, Cheers.

You better learn group dynamics
I mention the Ratzenberger story because it is useful; if you consider your social circles over your lifetime, you will note that each person gravitates toward a particular role. There is often an alpha male, a geek, a comedian, perhaps a rich kid (often the alpha male), a storyteller, a know-it-all. In fact there are many roles that we can choose. The question is: is the role that you play complimentary to your target group? If not, what role would make your target group better? Because you cannot have two alpha males. When two people compete for one role, loyalty wins the day; our oldest friends receive priority even when the new person is someone special. Therefore, when you investigate new target groups, avoid the roles that are taken. Be quiet and assume someone is missing so you don't commit yourself to the wrong role in the absence of one of the regulars.

I cannot tell you how many times my good friends and I had someone crash our party trying to become the newest member. The new person, determined to make a great first impression, dominated the spotlight. Had they come and just listened, they could have been entertained and later integrated into our group, but by dominating conversation they came across as disrespectful and pushy and so we politely made excuses and blocked all their attempts at reentry. 


This can be a hard discipline to understand because out of our politeness the conversation will eventually turn to the new person, but it would be best for them to humbly reply. “Me? I’m not very interesting! I’d rather hear more about you!” And then tell them what you love about something they said. Meaning that on the first, second and even third gathering all of the talking should be directed to repositioning the spotlight back on your generous hosts. This is respectful and it will be rewarded. I suggest that you be hesitant to open up about yourself until the fourth gathering. I realize hot people can violate rules, but they would do well to try this approach, too, because it would send their value soaring.

Whenever I walk away from a conversation feeling bored and tired it’s usually an indication that I did extremely well and will be invited back. But whenever I skip away whistling and doing a victory jig, it suggests that all the fun was had by me. It’s actually a bad sign. Listen to me now and believe me later… Run some tests and let the measure of your success be the answer to this question, "Was I invited back?"

When you think back about some of the funnest experiences you've had at a social gathering, did you or did you not get invited back? If you really were as fun as you think you were, the number of gatherings would have increased. But if you are under the impression that group coincidentally stopped shortly after you met them, they might be meeting in secret now in a new location and avoiding you. I am preaching to the choir. I know these things because I've done these things. And while this may not apply to you, someone needs to hear it. 
Betrayal gets you ejected
People are versatile. I can be an alpha male in one group and a comedian in another. This is acceptable provided I remain true to who I am. If I act out fake roles: such as the air-head in one group and the intellectual in another, then I run the risk that these two social circles may collide; I might leave both groups wondering who I am. This may resemble a betrayal to them; it could erode their trust and may oust me from both groups.

The animal kingdom has a similar dynamic; for example, a mother cat knows her own smell and the smell of her kittens. If you handle one for too long, it may not smell as it once did. This often results in ejection from the group even though the kitten is hers and was completely innocent. This is why you should not treat kittens with flea powders because it alters their smell and the mother will reject it; and the kitten could die. 

Similarly, if your girlfriend smells the perfume of another girl on you she may reject you without explanation. She doesn’t want you to improve at lying to her. Her reasons couldn’t be more obvious to her, but sometimes we walk away dazed and confused because we grew accustomed to the new smell and can think of nothing she would know about that we did wrong. Meaning that betrayal is bad so don't do it and don't even do anything that could be confused with betrayal.

What splits the group
If you want to remain in your social circle, you must remain in your role. If you want to grow, you must move on. Remember that Jesus said go out and preach the gospel. He understood that a prophet has no honor in his home town. The minute you grow toward a role that threatens another group member you create tension, especially in churches. Therefore, the tares in the group will surround you and drag you down because the group was working until you messed it up by growing. If you remain in the group and try to grow, you may wind up stuck in the mud because the tares will unite to humble you. Their pride requires them to be better than you. There is no room for growth among tares.

Social circles break down when two people compete for the same role within the group. This can cause a rift and split it, especially in churches!
 
Being in a church implies you are supposed to grow, but it is stifled by the fact that growth often leads to ejection; because changes threaten the group dynamic and that ruffles feathers.

Paul tells us to run the race to win. What happens in a race when you try to pass someone? At a minimum, they speed up; however, tares will play dirty: they imitate wheat, but when no one is looking they will trip you, hit you, hurt you, undermine you and do anything to maintain their position. And if this happens in churches, you can be sure it happens everywhere.

It should be obvious to us that staying in one place leads to stagnation, while growth, by definition, requires movement and change. Yet we seem to think it's the opposite. We seem to think that in order to grow we need to plant roots and that makes sense, except that it doesn't work when it comes to spiritual growth or social growth. 

Consider the difference: one person stayed put. Another moved ten or twenty times. Who grew and who stagnated? The person who moved most grew most because they forced themselves to join new groups, face new challenges, and meet new people. One might argue planting roots is necessary for growth; and while that's true, I suggest you refrain from doing so amid tares; that will just result in abuse. The way you know you are among tares is when you are punished for trying to grow in their presence. And so you must make the conscious decision: do I want to grow or do I want to stay in my social circle?

Over the years, I have watched many people enter new social circles like a bull in a china shop: trampling and breaking everything in their path. This often results in ejection from the group. The newbie seldom understands the problem. Instead of listening, observing and learning for a while, they walk in, grab the bull by the horns, and get gored or thrown out; and later group members will block reentry.

The key to enter ANY group you like
I remained single into my forties. And it gave me a rather unique perspective. I have been a nice guy, a jerk, an agnostic, a Mormon, a Christian, a muscular guy, a thin wiry guy, a fat guy, a young guy, an older guy, and an outsider. If there is one thing I have, it is perspective.  Therefore, you can believe me when I say: the number one thing you can do to make friends is improve your appearance. I do not care what environment you are in, whether it is a party or a church, people are vain everywhere you go; churchgoers are often the most vain. The better you look, the more friends you will accumulate. You will even attract people who hate you for your looks, but who glom onto you to eat the crumbs from your plate. 

I cannot emphasize this point enough: books say women care about your heart, your kindness, your personality, but consider how many selfies she takes. She cares about your looks (I am generalizing). If you would make her look good in the picture, she will be your girlfriend. If not, good luck… 

I fail to understand why relationship books seem to gloss over this point (or outright lie). Perhaps it is to appeal to a broader range of people; maybe a misguided desire to give people more credit than they deserve or make them feel better. However, the truth can be disappointing. People judge books by their covers and they choose their friends based on how their friends make them look both physically and socially.

Personality, humor and wit are the slowest ways to improve your social situation because they trigger competition. Therefore the biggest most immediate impact you can make on your social life is to improve your appearance. To attract people, you must look good. If you look good you can stink, hurl insults, make bad jokes, have a crap personality and still be on top of the social scene; you know this to be true. Therefore, if you have a conspicuous tooth, you better fix it. If you have a beer-belly, you better lose it. You must wear nice clothes and always look good. The fastest/easiest change you can make, to do well on the social scene, is to improve your appearance; this change should take you less than one year even if you are a wreck. Personality, humor and storytelling require practice and must change with your appearance. They require enormous amounts of effort, constant study and often years or decades to perfect. You will rarely be ousted from a group because your appearance improved. And through this change, you will win power plays. That you wouldn't have won using your personality. I don't make the rules I just know what they are.

The key to most groups
If you are fat, but want popularity, then odds are good you will target the comedian role. There’s a big increase in competition for that one in the US lately. It would be much easier to lose weight and workout. Perhaps food helps you handle stress or makes you feel better in the short-term. After you resolve your emotional/spiritual issue, the fat will melt off. If you do not spend three to six months on your body working toward excellent results, you risk spending decades elsewhere on pitiful ones. If you do not think you can lose weight, read two books: Fit for Life and the Battle for Your Body. The right knowledge can change everything. If you want links to those books, just click on the Full Transcripts for this message.

In the meantime, focus on being the positive comparison friend. You are the sidekick not the hero, and if you do not know your place (and stay there) you may lose it. The comedians we see on TV and at comedy shows are exceptional, they can run their social circles; they can be the hero; most of us cannot. Because the funny guy is the court jester at somebody else’s party. They invited you because you have a job to do; your job is to make everyone else feel good. Therefore, the easiest approach for the comedian is to throw himself under the bus. It may erode your view of yourself, but at least people will want you around.

As the positive comparison friend, the delicate balance you must keep is to make the alpha male look good without making him look bad. Aim your jokes at yourself unless you are elevating everyone else in the group; but know that this is the comedian’s dilemma. A comedian can have attention but he can seldom be the cool one. Comedians are often the most miserable people in the group because everyone laughs at their expense. And t his catches up with you (because you believe the things you say about yourself); in time you indirectly make yourself bitter. Especially when you realize the alpha male only kept you around while you made him look good. The minute you crossed him, he tossed you from the group and all that talent was rejected by everyone because you overstepped. No one crosses the alpha male no matter how funny you are. 

Comedy will take you places in life, but good comedy is harder than diet and exercise. Comedy must change with your appearance. As an alpha male you can make flattering jokes about your sexual prowess. As the pudgy comedian when you make sexual jokes, they better be humiliating. 

Some comedians do not understand their jokes fail when their appearance changes; and so if or when your jokes start failing you must adjust one or the other.

Introducing yourself
When it comes to presenting ourselves to the opposite sex we should know why they should be attracted to us. What does being with me mean for her? What could we do together? Consider the difference between these two introductory statements for the same person. You could tell her:

I bought rental properties; I own eighteen units, three vehicles, a trailer and work for a fortune five hundred company. Go me!

Now consider the alternative:

I bought rental property because I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wanted to help people who are struggling. I wanted to fix properties and make the town look nicer and to raise the standard of living and quality for everyone. I wanted poor people to live better. It was harder than I expected, I can’t do it alone.


The first one screams: I’m rich! Are you noticing how rich I am? Are you getting it? But the second one gets her thinking about ways she could help you. It supplies a cause that she could join.

Summary

  1. Investigate group dynamics and choose a role that's available; do not compete for occupied roles for new groups because newcomers rarely overpower loyalty;
  2. Be very careful about growing outside your existing role(s) because that may trigger ejection from the group;
  3. Avoid introducing your circles to each other in an attempt to combine them (I did not state this, but it was implied); for example, if you are the court jester in five groups, then bringing these five groups together becomes a power play for the alpha male leader role. That's how it will be perceived and thus you will be made to pay for this transgression in subtle ways by all five groups;
  4. Understand you could assume a role (like pudgy comedian) and that it may wear you down over time. It could lead to a poor self image that culminates in self fulfilling prophecy. Because as C.S. Lewis once warned "we eventually become who we are pretending to be;”
  5. Know your place; for example: as the comedian you will never ascend to the alpha male status unless you speak in comedy clubs;
  6. Put thought into the ways your introduction opens up opportunities for people to join your quest;
  7. And above all: fix your appearance!

The safest improvement you can make is to fix your appearance.

And so here ends chapter five of Simply Irresistible.
 That's all folks!

Have a brilliant week! And y'all come back now! Ya hear?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Featured Postings

Don't Let Your Kids Kill You

Author:  Charles Rubin Title:  Don't Let Your Kids Kill You Plot:  How to navigate life as the parent of drug addicts Note:  Many u...