Title: Simply Irresistible Chapter 3
Plot: On the value of being able to see yourself as others do
Listen to "Simply Irresistible Chapter 3 [15 Mins]" on Spreaker.
Hey, welcome back!
Today I will be reading chapter 3 from my book entitled Simply Irresistible. Here we go!
Presence Made Perfect
I’m always skeptical whenever I read a relationship book written by someone who either did not include their picture or establish the context of their perspective. Because if you fail to understand that people judge us by our appearance, then you don’t know much about people. My picture is on the back cover. Yet I also chose to describe myself because my appearance has changed over time. This will lock you into my perspective. And once you share that, it enables you to make judgements. That way you can leverage the value of the information in this book according to the principles that apply to you and you alone.
I am a 5’ 11”, white, male, dark hair and complexion, who spent most of his life believing that 190-210 pounds was his optimal weight range. However, I eventually discovered I should have been in the 175-185 range. And I was amazed at the impact that five or ten extra pounds has on others. Whenever I hit that optimal target zone, my enemies and some friends skilled in art of deception, told me that I urgently needed to gain weight because I looked undesirably thin. And I believed it because I can be naive like that sometimes. And even worse was that I didn’t invest sufficient time in my clothing. Or even in repairing my teeth. I seriously needed some corrective dental work that I put off for far too long.
I was told I was handsome all my life, but I thought people were just being nice. Meaning I wondered why if I were so handsome, girls weren’t more aggressive. However, I eventually discovered that girls operate differently than guys do. And I was just too obtuse to understand what real interest looked like.
Gaining and then losing one hundred pounds opened my eyes to what real interest looks like. And it turns out that it’s very subtle. I came to discover that my instincts about interest when I was a young man were on target. And then we return to that naive problem again. One day a close friend of mine told me that I was overreacting. Just because girls looked and smiled, that didn’t mean they were interested. Turns out he was just jealous, but I believed him in and suffered for it for at least a decade.
Hopefully you’re noticing the trend that, when it comes to the opposite sex, it’s not a good idea to listen to the advice of your enemies and sometimes not even the advice of your friends. After losing one hundred pounds suddenly I knew the truth, and the truth set me free. My confidence was replaced with certainty and I was off to the races. I replaced my suspicions and guesses and that not only impacted me, it impacted the reaction of women everywhere. Meaning they became more aggressive when they knew that I knew that they were flirting.
You would be amazed at what you can accomplish socially when your appearance and behavior compute. And so therefore be advised that when your appearance changes, your behavior should too. Otherwise you may repel those you once attracted.
Consider Danny Devito; it would have been foolish to cast him as the Terminator because he just doesn’t look the part. You know this and you can easily apply this lesson to him, but if you fail to apply it to yourself, you will never match his level of success, which is formidable. Mr. Devito should be proud of himself. He went far in life! And this was possible because he understands our preconceptions about people. Therefore, he selected roles where his appearance was an advantage. Ironically, if Danny Devito lost a bunch of weight, I doubt anyone would like him as much. His weight goes with his compelling personality and behavior; and so, for him, getting thin would be unbecoming. Thus we need not be the young Arnold Schwarzenegger to attract hoards of people, we simply need to learn our place and live it to the maximum. God not only created you, he also created your soulmate and she loves you the way he made you. I suggest you visit www.thebookmatrix.com and listen to the podcast on Soulmates.
The bulk of my life experience differed from that of a supermodel’s. She goes places in life effortlessly, she's sent to the front of the line, handed unearned gifts, people tolerate her terrible sense of humor and total lack of regard for others because she’s hot. And while I may envy her everything on a silver platter lifestyle, I also appreciate, that no one drugged me, raped me or battered and abused me or kidnapped me to get me into bed. Meaning that life has a way of balancing itself out. And our experiences have a way of extracting a price. I am grateful that everything turned out the way that it did for me.
Thus I assure you that all of the words in this book are true for a man of my perspective. If yours differs, you will be enlightened by the conclusions that I reached, the experiences that I had, and the way life is for a man like me. And when you compensate for the differences necessitated by your appearance, I’m sure being the brilliant book-reader that you are, you can adapt my experiences to your greatest advantage.
Therefore, go forth and test everything I say with the understanding that while it works this way for me, your mileage may vary because our packaging differs. However, the tests themselves should open your eyes in ways that you never imagined.
But so far what have I really said that you can use (in this chapter)?
- Don’t trust what your friends tell you about your appearance,
- and certainly don’t trust the advice of your enemies!
- If girls are looking at you and your family tells you you’re handsome, then you should trust them because people just don’t say or do that stuff unless it’s true.
- And make sure your appearance and your behavior computes.
Whenever we have an appearance defect, it amplifies our body language by a factor of four. Meaning that if we gain weight, dress poorly or look older and we think something offensive about someone else, the impact is intolerably louder than it once was, and potentially overwhelming for them; particularly if we reinforce that thought using our words. Meaning it’s bad enough we thought it, we had the nerve to say it, and when we were pudgy no less. This might seem desirable when we are angry, but it has the power to destroy our relationships. If you are a public speaker and you add twenty pounds or twenty years, you should consider vacation or radio until after you self-repair. We don’t see the weight of our favorite actors and actresses fluctuating much unless they do it for a specific role and then it immediately returns to normal. Because they understand that the most significant part of their pay comes from their appearance.
What if Superwoman added twenty-pounds in the middle of the season? She would be instantly unbelievable in that role. And imagine advice from someone who is missing a prominent front tooth. I cannot overstate the importance of this lesson! If you fail to take an objective look in the mirror or film yourself speaking, then you risk destroying your relationships when your appearance inevitably changes. The fact that we cannot see ourselves interacting with others is an incredible disadvantage!
Caution: This could be as simple as changing your hair color and length. The consequences of certain appearance changes are downright shocking! And if you could see them for yourself, you might wholeheartedly agree with your harshest critics. For example: I love watching myself eat grapes on film, but after witnessing the horror of watching myself eat peanut butter crackers on video, I will never do that in public again!
So for best results: film and then watch yourself in everyday situations (even like eating dinner) and after making some key repairs, your social problems will vanish. Instead of complaining about all the negative feedback that you receive from people, you will wonder why they didn’t say more.
Do you know how you look when you approach a girl? Of course not! And that is the problem! Because if you did, it would explain your results completely. Our thoughts are written all over our faces. And so it becomes intolerable to think, “I must do this! I’m so afraid! I hope I succeed, I hope she likes me…” because she will see your fear written all of your face and she will ignore your words. I assure you, it would be better to have great body language, to clamp down on your thoughts and say nothing.
Therefore, when you approach, consider thinking, “It’s obvious you want me because everyone does. But I'm not so sure I like you.” Entertaining a thought like that one often leads to a smirk. And a good smirk is your best friend.
Being convinced that she’s not for you or being holier than thou will backfire, so you want to appear undecided. Think something confident during the approach, or you will fail. Because your thoughts impact your face. You must control your thoughts at all times in public! If no one told you this, then let me be the first. The best way to change the non-verbal message that you’re communicating is to change your thoughts. And by the way, you are always communicating a non-verbal message. So if you’re failing with women or in life, then it’s because you’re not controlling that message. You get no vacations, no time off or recesses, you must be present and listening at all times! If you want to allow your thoughts to run wild, then you better first get away from people. Be fully engaged, be fully present empty your mind, and focus your total concentration on the other person. Listen to me now and believe me later…
I once had a conversation with a friend at a club after a bunch of girls sat down at our table with us. He whispered a series of questions that caused me to shake my head no repeatedly. On occasion I glanced at the girls while doing so. Now imagine, that you saw two hot girls whispering to each other looking at you shaking their head no. What would that tell you? Without a word from us several moments later the girls abruptly got up and left. And they were right, he asked me if I was interested in and I said, no. And so my actions were humiliating and they carried far more power than even offensive words would have. Again, if you could see yourself, it would explain everything. I wondered why they left. And now it's obvious to me.
Some people are far more offended, by what they perceive we are thinking about them, than what we actually say. And the downside is that when our mind is somewhere else, our body language might send a horrible message.
Thus the message of this chapter is to take control of your body language and I advise that you do that, by taking control of your thoughts. Be militant with your mind. Beat it into submission! And if possible, film yourself in regular everyday situations and later when you’re objective, play the tape back. I cannot emphasize the importance of this advice enough. Please test this because if you are experiencing failure, this will likely be the singe most powerful way to see what you’re doing wrong and fix it.
And that's all of chapter 3!
As always: thank you for listening! And y'all come back now, ya here?